I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize