Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
True strength comes from lack of pants
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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