you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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