Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
