i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
