So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
