Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
