Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
