you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
