Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
