I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
