So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I need a burrito and a hug.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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