He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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