You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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