you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
