worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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