i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
