I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
