so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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