i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize