For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
