i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
