I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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