So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he thought i was a dude.
I could make wine with my vomit
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
