dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize