dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
