M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
