guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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