i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
