this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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