Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
