Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
