Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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