I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
