The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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