I faked an abortion last night.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
