May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
