You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
