never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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