Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
