Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
