He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You ate ashes out of my bong
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
