Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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