Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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