My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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