About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
