im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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