he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
