omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
