She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
