I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
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It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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