The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
