Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
