took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
