Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
How's work?
Spinning.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
