Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
