yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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