Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
